I dunno what is going on... I temper recently is ... how do i put it... irregularly short... I get frustrated and irritated soooo easily over the tiniest thing... I don't know what is wrong with me.. and NO I am not going through that time of the month...... all I can say is..if i snap at you.. i don't mean it....

I have been thinking these days... what is it that brings friends together.. what is it that makes people become acquaintances... become friends, then good friends... then finally what makes people fall for each other???

I am trying to scrap together a social life of some kind... there are people I meet and have known for a short time... but i wish i could get closer? Maybe its coz i have got this crush on him? or Maybe its just been so long that I have had this type of connection... which ever way it is, whether its friends or what.. i want to be near and closer...

Maybe its just been along time since I have felt anything for anyone... its almost been 6 months and I guess I just want a chance to forget the pass and start new... I know that its not rebound I am looking for... i just want someone to be here... someone that I can make a connection with. I guess one of the good things that came from the pass is that now I know what I want. I know that I don't just jump in. I know that I want someone that pulls at my heart strings, romances me, makes me laugh, makes me mad and makes me cry... most importantly I want someone who is also my best friend. Someone I can trust will not run away when I am myself. Someone who is comfortable to be with, and understand and appreciate me. When will I find this someone?

Someone once told me, that to find true love. You must first prepare yourself. You must be a whole person in order to be with someone. You must first learn to truly love and appreciate yourself, before you can love someone else.
So you must be confident and happy with who you are, and when you have finally reach that. The one you are meant to be with will arrive.


If that were true, then maybe is gods way of telling me I am not ready to be in a relationship yet....


Anyway, i think I need to stop myself from making the same mistake... in this world i guess the final winner is the one who can take things lightly... so I will not waste my time trying to grab the attention of someone who obviously doesn't see me... becoz if they don't see me then they don't deserve me, becoz they do not see me for who I am and won't appreciate the value of my friendship....

I guess that is what is frustrating me these days... the fact that I am not seen... i guess I am jealous.... gotta stop that...

Gotta stop thinking of the pass and move on... lets hope this crush doesn't develop anymore...

Fingers crossed...

wow time really does fly, it seems like the crying moments at Narita Airport were only yesterday (that was when I left tokyo for good, on dec 31) and now I am getting ready for yet another move. this time heading to shanghai. but before that I get to hit the scene in HK for chinese new year! this move will be a long one, going for at least 2 to 3 years ... to tell the truth, I am a little scared and excited at the same time. 

Ironically I feel that it will be even more of a challenge this time, then the last time moving to tokyo, funny since I do speak the same language (chinese) but some how I feel more nervous this time then before. maybe its because i am going this time, in search of my career... it is these times when one feels that no matter how much education they have, how much skills they already possess, it never feels like it is enough.  

recently I finished a program in professional make-up artistry, so now i am a pro make upartist quote quote hee hee

but all this is just another thing to add to my resume, when one doesn't have work experience to pack,then they pack on the skills...

anyway,  leaving the day after tomorrow, long flight, hate long flights, but before the long flight, there are things to be packed, people to see and goodbyes to say....